Establishing the Foundations of Trusting Yourself
Addressing the Fundamentals of Trust in Ourselves for Success
This is the conclusion to a previous post I wrote about trusting yourself. This part explores the “how-to”
Here’s the digest, for those that don’t really want to read:
Our success in any area of your lives the following need to be developed and cultivated to develop trust within ourselves:
The lack of trust is fear. Trust takes courage and Trust cannot be cultivated without it. If we think about this journey as a relationship like any other, then it’s even easier to see the truth of this. When we first start talking to someone that would later become our friend or partner, how did the trust start? Doesn’t it start with one of us taking the chance to share something that’s more open than the typical conversation chatter? We throw out something that’s important to us but doesn’t feel overly vulnerable for sharing. Then, we wait to see how or if they engage with the little we gave them and see if it’s worth pushing forward, right? And do it again, and then again, again, again, until we’ve crafted this relationship with this person; a map of where this person sits in relation to the most sensitive, vulnerable parts of us.
A relationship is the crafting of a hundred little courageous steps, each a rung on the trust ladder. If we stop to notice, this is also how habits and discipline is created.
Success and on unconscious patterns
There are generally two ways to look at success: singular and state (being). To achieve success at a task, that is a singular success, an action. To BE success is a series of actions and decisions; it’s the pattern of actions or habits that are inseparable with that person being who/what they are. This realization came from writing this, my unconscious pattern is around how I’ve been looking at success – I’m going to “achieve success”. I knew that to be true intellectually, but when I’m present to the feeling of what it means to “be financially successful”, it’s that of a singular achievement.
How do you define success?
How does that feel?
Does success FEEL like a thing to be achieved or a state to BE?
To be a success in the human experience, doesn’t (rarely) come from a single momentous occasion or experience, but the nano decisions we make each day. And just like how we make friends (funny to say lol), creating the habit of discipline, to BE disciplined, starts with these seemingly small actions and mastering them. When I say small, I mean SMALL. If you don’t work out and want to start, begin by just driving to the building. Seriously. Pick a time, let’s say 5am. Start by getting your bag and driving to the gym at 5am every day. Discipline yourself to wake up at the exact same time and create that routine. Do that every day for a week. Now, go in and do 5 push-ups. Get up, get dressed and go home.
In business, marketing legend, Seth Godin, and countless others (Tim Ferriss, Clay Collins, Pat Flynn, Gary V etc.) says to start with Empathy for the minimum viable market, which is the smallest number you can serve that will pay for itself, aka, Kevin kelly’s 1000 true fans. Just like the farmer who waters every day with for days and weeks not seeing the obvious return, discipline is the courage to be patient and consistent in the small things.
As we start to get a sense of dicipline in emerging, what will really support us in creating more discipline but also clarity, is focus. Focus is one thing: saying no. Warren Buffet says this “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.” In meditation, it’s not about how many times you get distracted by your thoughts, it’s about always bringing it back to the center. So we practice focus throughout our day, by saying no to what distracts us and constantly bringing our attention back to the present or what we want to be focusing on, which strengthens our discipline.
What do you need to say no to? I’ve had to say no to picking up my phone and scrolling on IG at least 5 times in just finishing this PARAGRAPH, not post PARAGRAPH.
Where do we have a habit of giving our sense of power to someone else, by constantly saying yes?
What’s a “small” area or task we can begin start saying no to?
Over 3 years ago, when I joined my first mastermind so many habits and patterns came up, but one of the most important was the beginning of self-love. I have an ongoing framework, but my number rule of self-love is the safety net that allows for any of these things to be possible: Grace. The compassion for myself when I attempt something new, or old, lol as this is not the first time I’ve played with discipline, is the only practice that helps me move forward. In other posts and in my life I’ve explored guilt and exploring it has freed up a lot of energy for me to take new steps, but instrumental in all of it is practicing grace over and over again when I want to be the victim of my own ego.
What event in your life have you not let go of by constantly beating yourself up?
Can you be your own best friend and love yourself enough to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made?
Gloria in excelis deo